While most people are staying up all night tonight getting wasted and kissing random strangers when the clock strikes twelve I am in quiet inward reflection, on my couch at home- where I have been for the last nine years. I truly hit rock bottom nine years ago-- with a tumultuous drive out to a trance party two days before New Years’s being the grand finale of my rapid downward spiral-- I can’t help but ponder on how typical of my dramatic personality it is that I would choose this has a recovery anniversary.
So here I am, clean for nine years. In fact I have not used for 3285 days or 78840 hours my nerds.
Like all addicts, there have been days when I've felt secure with my sobriety, and there have also been many days when I've survived from minute to minute questioning my very existence.
In honour of my nine years of sobriety and the turning over of a new calendar page, instead of spending too much time on resolutions, I would prefer to look at how far I have come.
Here are the nine things I have learned during my nine years of sobriety:
1. I am an addict and that’s okay
I firmly believe that some people are just born with an "addictive personality." This is my curse and also my super power. This addictive personality can be harnessed and put to good use. For the longest time I thought I couldn’t feel the same passion I felt for drugs for anything else, but then I discovered business, PR, writing – the kind I was finally getting paid for. I found boxing, MMA and Jiu- Jitsu and I found selfless relationships in being a mother and a wife.
2. Party Friends Are NOT Real Friends
You know, friends you have when the booze and drugs are flowing, especially when you’re buying- which I did a lot! Everyone wants to hang with the party girl bur as soon as I stopped partying, I stopped seeing those “friends”. I was lonely for a long time and bitter and sad, mourning the loss of friends. In time I realized that these friends were never friends at all and I was actually gifted a much-needed detox in my life. Real friends are there for you no matter what. They don’t abandon you in times of need, they embrace you. Sure, I lost a ton of friends during this time in my life, but I gained way more by holding onto the friendships that contained more value. Quality over quantity.